The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
