I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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