Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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