smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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