Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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