So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He better not be in your backpack
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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