I'm really into asian looking animals
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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