Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
