singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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