It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
