Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
there was a trapeze. enough said
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
