she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
