Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
