he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
