Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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