I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
