Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
