Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
