3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
