The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
