So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
