What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
