so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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