so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Drunk walkin through police station. America
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
