I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
