I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
