i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
