ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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