So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
