proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
