I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I wear drunk well.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
