i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
There are leaves in my underwear?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
