so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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