i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
