if we break up, who will get the dealer?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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