Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
