don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
