I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
