she woke up with a sticky ear
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
