Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
