Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
