I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
