his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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