If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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