Pappa wants mamma naked
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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