If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
