im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I enjoy the company of your penis
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
