So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
