it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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