how can u be prego again
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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